Friday, August 7, 2009

Paper For Class

“Shouldn’t I have all of this and passionate kisses.”
-Mary Chapin Carpenter

I deserve the world.

A lot of people say this. In fact, I’m sure they pray for it every night, though they may not say it in those exact words. They will say them as, “Please let me win the lottery,” or “Make that dick who just passed me speed his way into a cop.” However, they do not deserve the world.

I do.

And, in a nicely fashioned numerical order, I’ll tell you why.

1. I work hard.

This isn’t to say that other’s don’t. In fact, I know plenty of people who work just as hard as me, if not harder. However, I am a college student, with student loans that I will probably not be able to afford to pay off later due to the fact that I have chosen a career that, unless someone finds it amusing enough to print, and others find it amusing still and buy it, I am completely fucked. Yet, despite this hardship, I keep right at it. I continue down the path of writing and making film because, in my heart, I am doing what I truly what I want to do.

And that is what separates me from the other hard workers. How many people can say that they are not only working hard, but they are working hard on their dream? Most are working hard, but hating their job every moment, as their dreams lie in being a fire fighter, or a painter, perhaps even a person who does voiceovers for silly commercials. I, against many who tell me I should be doing otherwise, am doing what I love.

Just in the middle of Spring Semester, I applied to have my tuition paid for by the Minnesota Rural CEP, a workforce center. Two weeks later, in which I had called and fervently tried to get an interview, I received a letter that said I was perfect in every eligible way to have this grant--but, they said, “we are not looking for someone in your field right now.” Imagine feeling as if you’ve spent four years doing something, paying for something, that you were so proud of, only to have someone say that it was a waste of time (at least, in so many words). I spent the better of a good two weeks wondering what I was doing with my life, if I was making right decisions on where I was going to be. However, every single time I made a list of other possibilities, or sat down to contemplate, all I could think of was how unhappy I would be, and that, though I may not be making extreme money, or that no one “needs” my special talents, they wouldn’t have to answer to me at the end of the day. They wouldn’t have to go to bed at night sad, or wake up and realize they weren’t doing what they were truly meant to be doing with their hearts.

Plus, there is also the fact that I hold three jobs. I work as a Resident Assistant, which accumulates up to being not only having your own drama and emotions, but everyone else’s as well. I also work at Gamestop, a retail job that, though may have better scenery than other places, in the end is just selling things to people, and trying to keep them happy. The last is working at as a secretary on campus, where people call wanting all sorts of information, and if you don’t know it, then one is ridiculed via phone, as it is much easier to tell someone what terrible people they are when you don’t have to see them face-to-face. But I persevere, doing my best to remain calm, and do what needs to be done. I even manage to have some free time, taken with even more appreciation than another.

2. I have a great balance between being compassionate and having my needs taken care of as well.

You may be thinking, “That’s great that you have a healthy balance for that and all, but the people who are always compassionate no matter what are the one’s who deserve the world!” And I ask you to take care to read my reasoning before jumping to conclusions.

Think about it. Someone who is always putting someone else first is the greatest kindness of all, but how long can they go on doing such before there is a breaking point? Would someone who had the entire world do well if they were out of business just as often as they were in because they were breaking down? Plus, other’s would just take advantage of the poor soul, and then where would we be? In a world where everyone but that person deserving it having it.

No, I deserve to have the world because I can handle what is given to me. I’m not saying that having three jobs, plus always having great work ethics, doesn’t put a strain on things. This is why I take vacations, volunteer, write, and make film. Work hard, play hard. Plus, always doing what one loves is never work, so the stresses that are involved with my job are the good kinds of stress, the ones that make you work harder, and make you feel better at the end of the day when achieving success. Even a failure seems somewhat fantastic, as it means that one learns from the mistake.

3. I’m not too bad to look at, with smarts and a sense of humor to boot.

So, I’m not a model. However, I do have a great smile, glasses with personality, and really long hair that’s healthy. In fact, I’m overall a pretty healthy person. I eat what’s proper, and some that’s not (can’t help the brownie loving, or the fact that I love ice cream). I’m human, and I understand that I am.

Besides the looks, I am a pretty smart girl, definitely above average if not closer to the top. I’ve got on the Dean’s list the past few semesters, in fact. And the fact that I’m smart doesn’t get in the way with social skills, but instead embellishes my witty charm. Sometimes, beauty doesn’t give the boon of a good brain, and whether this is because the person doesn’t have the IQ, or because being beautiful never demanded them of using their brain in anything besides smiling and looking pretty, this hasn’t affected the way I live or work in the least. If it helps, I didn’t even consider myself a beauty until much later in my life, as I was a “late bloomer.” According to Hollywood, this means I am perfect in deserving the world, and the boy. And the only thing Hollywood lies about is the fact that when you shoot something, that doesn’t deem it worthy of blowing up.

In addition, having a sense of humor means that I love to laugh. “Laughter is the best medicine.” Though this may not be so true for curing, it’s definitely the best for having a healthy mind and heart. I even laugh at myself, which is the most important laughter of all. After all, it is said to never “take yourself seriously. No one else does.” And, yet again, I find myself with a niche for seriousness and humor. With as much stress, though positive, this is a much needed aspect in someone who deserves the world.

Now, I understand that everyone has their own definition of what “the world” entails. That some will still, regardless of my reasoning, declare me unworthy of the world. But this does not take away from my deserving it. It also doesn’t take away from me trying to have it. After all, with such deductions as I have said above, one would expect nothing less.

And that's why I deserve the world.

2 comments:

Mandikat said...

You're so inspiring. I love you, and completely agree with you. Except, from where I see it, you DO have the world.

Just treat it well. :) I'm in it.

DeLost said...

I'm getting you a globe for Christmas. ^_^