What I'd Rather Do

Despite the happenstances I've been in the recent, I am fairly happy. I'll blame it on the great atmosphere I've been blessed with.

It's a tough thing, being positive. I remember a specific time in my life when I didn't think anything could be harder. I didn't get it. I'd forgotten my entire past of being able to manage, and the future seemed unbearable. The people who were positive either had better luck than me, or were fake.

It's amazing what a mindset can do to alter one's perceptions.

A few days ago, I found out I wasn't eligible for a free tuition/room/board program. Not because I had too much money, not because I wasn't getting good grades, not because I was anything. Except that the profession I decided to go into wasn't "needed." Other people who aren't financially in debt, or already hurting in money as it is, are getting this program, but because I am going into a writing industry, and working with film, I am not needed within our workforce.

My last four years at college rushed to me. My love of what I'm going for suddenly seemed like a hobby. My worst fears about what I wanted to do with my life were right in front of my face.

What if I don't get the job I need and I end up a waitress/video game seller for life? What if I do get a job with what I love, but I can't ever make ends meet, and I'm forever working and never having a life? What the fuck am I going to do after college if even a workforce won't take the time to deal with me?

I allowed myself about ten minutes to mope. I called my father and chatted with him for awhile, and, as usual, he helped me open my eyes at how blessed I was--at least this wasn't a dire situation, where I was dependent on it in order to finish college. At least I will be happy with what I've accomplished.

I remember in Jr. High, we were talking in class and had an extra ten minutes. We were told to take out a piece of paper and answer a few questions. One was "Where will you be in ten years?" I put, "Happy." I wasn't stupid. I get the question. It's supposed to be a time when you write out your dreams of where you hope to be. But I figure that I can cheat the system. If I put happy, then it doesn't matter what I'm doing, because I'll be glad at where I am.

Back in those days, I thought of how easy it was to be happy. I had a great family, home, friends... And after adding more of what life has to offer to the equation, it was easy to forget all of those things and get lost. I'm not going to lie, I was lost for a while.

New Zealand helped me find myself again.

My parents and brother helped me (probably without their knowledge), and I have never felt as close to them all as I do now, and it keeps getting better.

New friends, new experiences, new thoughts and ideas...

I could have allowed so many things ruin my chances. I've always bounced back. A workforce that says I'm not "needed" isn't going to change anything. All that means is that everyone else is going to have to watch out, because I'm great at what I do.

And after college, I'm going to prove that.

Random Fact: A snail can crawl across a razor blade without getting injured. This is possible because they excrete a slime that protects them.