Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Bad Timing

When I mentioned that being an RA tests my multitasking skills, I certainly meant it. Though I have managed to keep up with going to classes and getting assignments done, I haven't managed to keep some time to myself until this week.

Being around people can really wear you out.

It has been a very filled week. I sometimes feel as if I have different lives at the same time, doing so many things, and I get lost in what I'm doing until I finally take a break and set myself aside to do other matters to get lost in.

A wistful me wonders what it would be like to not have such worries. One that has enough money at all times, that studying wasn't needful and had the social grace to keep up with friends, rather than chat with for thirty minute intervals once every three months. It's an interesting concept, a parallel universe in which that is probably happening. Would I be happier or more depressed? With someone? Liked?

And then I begin to wonder why I even start to think of things as such--I'm here, now, who I am supposed to be. I'm rather sick of thinking of how things could/should be. I want things happening. Now.

This is the time in which I tell you I already know that I'm an impatient person who wants to control what happens. All this really ends up doing is making me anxious and unhappy with the turn of events. What a cycle.

The only worst aspect of this is that I'm getting worse and worse with my sleeping cycle. I'll stay up late and get up early, but I can't seem to get tired enough to just collapse on the bed and sleep early, even with exercise added to the equation.

Instead, I lay and think for a while. I don't actually dream, but "day"dream in my head. I go through conversations I've had and think of odd jokes I've heard throughout the years. I cuddle my pillows, shut my eyes and think of my favorite dreams.

So, I'm being a little melodramatic. It's just that, the longer I'm around this Earth, I begin to realize that normal doesn't exist--not really. Anything we consider to be normal, if you were to take that second look...

From a child, we are told how things are. From parents, from teachers, from friends, from peers, from media... and they're all distorted, because they've all got they're own agenda, and they're not the same as anybody else. Parents, teachers, friends, peers, media... depending where you are, it's all different. And every person will have it differently as well. Complicated system, it is.

But, what I wouldn't do for a deep, fulfilled sleep.

I swear, I will be writing more frequently and about more interesting things in the soon--I just had to write the awkward entry of "I haven't written in a while" to get me started.

Random Fact: Mamihlapinatapai--a look shared by two people with each wishing that the other will initiate something that both desire but which neither one wants to start

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