There are specific reasons why I don't post as often as I should. To be completely honest, it's mostly to do with being a Negative Nancy--you may thank my Mass Media & Society class, most of the time.
There's no wonder people would rather be entertained during this day and age--things are so depressing in our world, it's hard to tell where to begin to make it better. But, the fact of the matter is, it won't be getting better without us paying attention. I'm just afraid of my life being overtaken. Or, should I say, my life being about that, rather than enjoying what life has to offer. God knows how difficult it is to try and do both.
It's actually pretty sad, but a lot of my time isn't spent on the computer too often anymore--at least not for the purposes you'd think. My Tuesdays and Thursdays consist of me on a computer from 8am to 1:30pm... plus, two hours of homework through Dreamweaver. By the time I'm done, I don't have the want to stare into a screen for another how long to write a post, much less see anything else. But, I've also realized how important this thing is, as it keeps me writing and keeps people up-to-date on my life.
And it keeps me up-to-date as well.
I've been having weird dreams in the recent. One was about my mother and I having a huge fight, so bad that every time I passed her in the dream, a few seconds later I'd burst out into tears. I woke up feeling as if I'd spent the entire night crying. The other had me over at Mandikat's house, both me and her mother. I remember showering and getting ready for something, and there was something about books, painting and being depressed about... something. Ha. Interesting dream to all of you, I'm sure.
In the end, I stoked it all up to stress. Between school, being an RA and constant reminders of me being alone in the love department (livable, but it's still there), my dreams are beginning to become more vivid, as I don't get good enough sleep to be normal and not remember them as much. My subconcious sucks, sometimes--I need more dreams with lovely things.
I find that my saving grace in these negative times (shit economy, bad media, terrible democracy, etc.) are the smallest of positive factors. Video games. Good friends and family. Quick hugs. Small things do count. If you don't let them count, what would you have?
I've been watching Extras, as I just bought the two seasons and season finale with the gift cards I realized I had. I'll just place this out as a fact so the rest of the world may know: Ricky Gervais is a fucking genius. If you haven't watched Extras, The Office BBC... even Stardust (best surprise for me ever). He's epic. Brilliant.
On the side news, I've started making scarves for friends this Christmas early, as the cold days have already come. I've finished two of them, and will continue onward, some being hats or mittens depending on request. Amber and I decided to make things for each other out of what we do best, so I'm making her a scarf with leg warmers to match. She's going to use her bead-work to make me something, but I haven't a clue what. She's really good at making earrings, necklaces... spicing up a headband or making a dress for a pow-wow. She had the epiphany today what she was creating, and poked at me a little since I won't know for ages.
I'm excited for the holidays. Friends and family, all together for meals and sharing--Thanksgiving and Christmas have become my favorite holidays because of that.
When I was a child, I absolutely hated having those parties, when practically every person we knew would be over, "celebrating". Destroying what we'd just cleaned up was more how I liked to describe it. I remember cleaning my room for the occasion one year, and two other girls, the destruction crew as I remember them every year, went up into my loft bed and began throwing my books around like candy at some sort of parade. Perhaps that was the moment when I realized I hated people my own age. Maybe just people in general. I'll never really know.
what I do know is that the time was mostly spent with me feeling awkward with adults around, whom only had male children my brother's age. I'd finally yank on my snow gear and grab my sled to go off the jump we'd made earlier. Right next to the snowperson I'd made angry at sexism one year by giving it breasts. And my brother later placed a penis on.
Now, instead of gender confused snowpeople, we gather round because we're all so spread apart by distance. The day is spent creating the meal. The night is spent eating and playing Nintendo Wii. Today, I count my gifts at hearing my parents' voices, Michelle's laughter and stories, Deb's crazy antics and my brother's sense of humor. My favorite Thanksgiving was spending the holiday with my Auntie Egg and Uncle Mike.
I hope that we can all still enjoy the holidays coming up as we used to. The older I get, the more important I find my friends and family to be. To lose any of that... I wouldn't dare think.
Random Fact: About 90% of Americans view themselves as being shy. HA.