Monday, October 29, 2007

Looking For Something New

About once a year or so, I'll get so bored that I decide to be selfish on purpose (I know, weird, right?). I decide to use some time to google myself.

I usually only find a few things that are actually me, considering I never give out my last name over the 'nets, which means they're newspaper articles.

I found one presenting the fact that I was participating in some First Year Experience in college, another was for the student A Honor Roll in High School... Interestingly enough, my brother was on the B Honor Roll during one of the semesters in 2003 while I was on the A. I'd brag and boast, but he's two years older than me, which means his classes were probably harder than mine.

On the note of my brother, he won an iTouch (the little jerk) in a Halloween costume contest. He was Edward Scissorhands. I'm wanting to see the photos, just because this is a character I never would have thought he'd portray, but I fully support it, as Johnny Depp is attractive and any Tim Burton movie is okay on my list. I'm insanely jealous, but this means that my father gets my brothers old MP3 player. Suddenly, we're a family of electronics. New computers, MP3 players, console systems... Not that I'm complaining. It's a sanctuary, really.

I love hummus. I always will. Yum.

In the worst news, I've been told by a friend that he thinks we should go out. Wait, let me rephrase that. He said, "Would I still be a viable dating possibility for you if I get a PA?"

I didn't know what to address first. The fact his wanting to date me was out of the blue or the fact that I had no idea what a "PA" was. I took the latter.

After the explanation of piercing your Prince Albert, I took the next "subtle" clue that he liked me. I told him that I didn't want to offend him, but I'd always considered him a friend, and I'd also never had any experience in "the whole crotch area."

The whole conversation turned to be a little awkward, as he asked if I was sure I didn't want to even explore the idea, and the fact that I said, "but also, aren't you into guys?"

One main reason I don't want to date him is because I feel as if it would be for all the wrong reasons, such as him not telling his family he's gay. Because his family likes me, and has asked previously if we were dating, I feel that a main reason to date me is to also take control of his fear about them possibly finding out that he's attracted to the same sex. Another is that he's much more sexual than I am, something I have been and want to wait for when the right guy comes around. I'll be a girl who wants to take it slow, and I know, considering I'm his friend, that this isn't something he'd want in our relationship. TO add to that, the things that I adore him for as a friend would drive me crazy as a couple, and I would feel the need to have to do something; as a friend, it isn't my place--as a girlfriend, I feel like I'd have a say, and it wouldn't bode well.

But the biggest of all is that I'm just not attracted to him. I've always been the type to look at intellect, humor, passion... and he has all of these things, to the max. I'm just not attracted to him for some reason. Attraction shouldn't be the only thing to base a relationship on, but it is definitely something that has to be there on both sides. And I don't even want to explore something that I know would just end up ruining one of the few good intellectual relationships I have.

I told him that I appreciated him telling me, as I lack in the boy confidence department, that I was really sorry and it meant a lot. He said he had to go on a walk.

I feel bad, especially since I've complained to him before about certain boys and them never noticing me... But, in my head, he's a man who loves men. He's one of my best friends that passing bodily gas around is considered a competition. He's always been there for me.

I just hope that it wasn't all because he thought of me as a prospect for coupling. And if he did, I hope that he at least knows that everything I've done and will do is for the sake of friendship and nothing else. The worst thing is giving the wrong idea.

On the selfish note, freaking A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is there a reason why any boy I want isn't lining up?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!

At least there'll be a good amount of time until I come home.

In addition to new things on the 'nets, I've become a part of the 43 Things community. I'm kind of stoked to see how it will all come out, as I've placed things that will take time on it (i.e. raise the money... I have a lot of traveling and buying consoles).

I also have a lot of things that I probably won't be able to cross off until I've done them for over a year (i.e. 'Do yoga every day,' 'run three times a week,' 'write in my blog every day,' and so forth...).

I also have the simple (i.e. Bungee jump, finish crocheting blankets, crochet/knit hats, beat God of War II on Titan Mode...).

And the impossible (i.e. Meet a celebrity on my top ten list, laugh in the face of danger).

But it's nice to write them down. Every time you add something, it shows how many people also have that same goal, so you know you're not alone. While I'm the only person who wants to write for a gaming magazine, there are 19,862 who want to stop procrastinating like me. You get to have up to 43 things you want to do, but then you cross them off as you do them and add more.

I'm excited to see what will become of it.

Random Fact: Almonds are members of the peach family.

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