Forge the Friendship River

Justin: If I were a professional musician, I would learn how to back flip off stage items while playing guitar. I feel like it would keep the crowd engaged, and could spark social media publicity.

Me: There is a local band with a keyboardist who does handstands on his keyboard.
I also like the fact that this is what keeps them engaged.
Not the music, which is what they are originally there for.

Justin: Live music is all about showmanship.
I mean, I'm there for the music, too, but man do you need some fun.

Me: I think I would do mine in a fish tank.
Not even lip sync.

Justin: That's aggressive.
As soon as the showmanship goes above the music, it's too much.
eg. Tommy Lee and the rotating drum kit.

Me: Disagreed.
I think it proves how committed I am to the sound.
To the fans.

Justin: Mallory, I am correct on this.
As a self proclaimed music expert, and former professional marketer.

Me: Were you really a marketer for a musician?
Or a label?

Justin: No.
Not even a little bit.

Me: LIAR.

Justin:
But I worked in PR, then marketing for a consumer electronics company and worked a lot with musicians.
Does that count?
I met Bon Jovi once. I think the bassist was drunk.

Me: It is difficult for me to get over these feelings of betrayal to decide.

Justin: What did I lie about?
I said I was a marketer.

Me: Okay, you embellished.

Justin: That's factual.
I didn't even embellish a little bit.

Me: I feel like you're forging across a river of our friendship right now.
What else would you like to lose on this forge?

Justin: What can I say?
I'm a risk taker.
Would you rather our friendship stall at the edge of this great river?
Or venture through to the next level?
I didn't quit Super Mario at the first castle.
I hammered through until I saved the princess.

Me: The Princess didn't lie and say she was in another castle.

Justin: Never did I lie, Mallory.

Me: Semantics.

Justin: Nor will I.
Do, from time to time, omit?
Yes. Yes I do.

Mallory: I'll have you know, I was also just going to ping you, because I realized that you usually always ping me. And I was all, "I should rectify that." And then you pinged me.

Justin: So, you were standing at the river bank of our friendship and chose not to forge, nor caulk your wheels and float it across, and definitely not charter a raft.

Mallory: ...

Justin: All for a two foot deep, eight foot wide friendship river.

Mallory: Our friendship river reflects our relationship so well--shallow.

Justin: I was trying to signal that forging the river, i.e. sending an IM, is a low cost of entry, and easy to do.

Mallory: I think this Oregon Trail/Friendship metaphor is getting out of hand. All I can think about is dying of dysentery while waiting for a response from you.

Justin: Look.
Sometimes I have to go hunting.
Hunting takes time.
And bullets.

Mallory: Meanwhile, Johnny is engraving Jimmy's last words of "peprony and chease" in stone.

Justin: WELL DONE.

Mallory: *bows*