Here I Go Mumbling

So, I didn't die. My car is good. The radiator is in and working, though it took a day and a morning. My dad, the amazing man he is, made it work. Maybe that's why I enjoy watching Project Runway so much--I've spent my life watching my dad or mom make things happen with what we have, making it work.

So, between car insurance, radiator, tires, gas money and time... I'd hoped to say that it's worth it, but what is worth? I didn't look at any of that as an investment for money. I looked at it as making my car safe, and me whilst driving it.

I've been thinking about "worth" a lot lately. In anything in general. Even last night, I was talking to a friend last night, and we toppled over the topic of how different people are when there's a large group of people, how you can see the change. I clearly can tell when "impress mode" comes into play. But I think that what I hate most about group gatherings is the fact that everybody talks and nobody listens. I'm not talking about four or five friends sitting around and having a good conversation. I mean those party times, where the reason why everything is so loud is because everyone is screaming to let people hear their own voice over another.

And I never really trust how someone is in a group setting. When there is so many people, the want to please is almost unbearable. You can't really find the real person.

The hope is that you meet someone in a group setting, thus creating you to want to speak with them more, then, BAM!, friendship.

I'm just not glamored by the whole event anymore. What once held the prospect of great relationships now holds an annoying sense of falsehood. People in large groups do stupid things, whether it comes to firing off fireworks while drunk or being loud enough to disturb anyone else that isn't within the group.

It's times like these that I wonder where my optimistic behavior went. There was a change from my last year in high school to college, whether it be a disappointment of what I'd hoped would come to be or maybe just so many unexpected things happened that I've become cynical. But at least I'm cynical with a sense of humor.

It just really makes you think. Even the simplest things of what I find to be worth watching a moving in the theatre for. Am I willing to put seven-fifty in your hands to watch, let's say, X-Files or something? Meh. Not really. Maybe I'll wait until Tuesday, when it's only 5 bucks a pop, but, otherwise, no. I'm a starving college student. Unless your graphics/epic-ity will amaze me to no end, I'm sorry, but to the illegal watching through some internet access will be my choice. Otherwise, I won't even bother watching it.

But it's always the better things that aren't on the big screen. It's funny, but even independent films are taking their toll. Remember when Sundance was something that meant Indie/rare? Which usually meant it was good (sometimes, I do wonder why people out there are allowed to hold a camera, and yet here I am, having time limits to have one myself). I should be happy that my little blessed places are becoming bigger, so I don't have to wait for that big film, and so the people who are making those films are getting the credit they deserve. But it's kind of like the cute little tea shop on the corner. Suddenly, everyone realizes how big they are and it's so popular that the charm has left the building since they have to change things to accommodate for the amount of people/status.

And then there's the other side--if there aren't enough people, then they go out of business.

It's a weeding process, really. I put more worth on things, such as good movies, video games, books... If they want me to pay the price, then they should start coming out with things worth what price they want me to pay. I'm not going to pay the price of a cruise when it's a paddle boat.

Random Fact: There are 318,979,564,000 possible combinations of the first four moves in Chess