Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Adult And Mature

Okay, so I know that this will probably negate anything that I have worked towards for the effect of becoming an adult, that I've matured or that I'm, what, a higher up status than most 21-year-olds?

But yesterday, I was shopping for some food for the rest of the week and I started to pass the isle where you get toothbrushes and shampoos and conditioners and lotions and all that jazz, and I thought, "Why not? I need a new toothbrush."

It was an embark for a journey I never knew I'd take.

Do you know how many toothbrushes there are out there? I mean, I thought it would be hard to find a toothpaste, but that was easy when I read the ingredients on the back and just chose the cheapest that was the exact same as the good brand I liked. But a toothbrush? They make these things like they're grails, and if you choose the wrong one--BAM! Crooked, disgusting teeth for life.

Now, I take my teeth seriously. I try to floss, though it usually comes out to once or twice a week (or when I remember...). I brush twice a day, though, and whenever I go to the dentist, I feel like I'm taking a test. They go through my mouth, scraping, cleaning and rinsing, and when they're through, I ask them how I can improve. I ask them all kinds of questions, to the such of 'do whiteners really work' or 'do I need to focus on a part of my teeth for next time'. I'm serious. I like knowing that I have a great smile. It's my favorite feature.

So, walking down this basically full aisle of toothbrushes made me pause. There is an amazing amount of different toothbrushes. And they all want your attention. And they all do different things. Focus on gums or molars or tongue or extra attention for in between the teeth. If these are such a concern, why not put them all on one toothbrush.

And they're expensive. Try finding a good toothbrush under three bucks. The same price as toothpaste, which lasts me a year. A toothbrush I change every few months. I know where the market is.

So, I pulled my knowledge together from the questions I'd asked over the years. Everyone is so worried about keeping clean teeth, yet they don't realize how harsh they are when they have certain brushes. I needed a brush that was in the soft category, something that wouldn't stimulate the gums because it would make them recede... and something fancy, so when I brushed my teeth, I would not only feel accomplished, but in style as well.

I can't begin to really describe how many different shapes and sizes there are of toothbrushes. I remember when there was only one type of electrical toothbrush, and it was white and boring and was basically a mammoth to hold onto. Now there are ones that look like cellphones. But they're too harsh on the mouth, too. I mean, we're a culture that is so worried about saving time, we can't spend a full minute scrubbing our teeth? I want to know how you people take showers (I actually brush my teeth in the shower).

As I was debating on whether or not a wave in the bristles or a criss-cross was better, it caught my attention that at the end of the aisle were more colors, so I sauntered over to see what they had for choice. Power Rangers? Pft. Dora the Explorer? Baby. I searched and searched for a Transformers or Batman, but to no avail (I'm assuming, the small town we are, limited choice). The closest thing I found was a Godzilla/dinosaur, but it wasn't that impressive, as the bristles were smaller than the end of my pinky.

And I thought, 'Why aren't they amusing us adults anymore?' as I made my way back over to the "my size" section. What was wrong with wanting some flash in my toothbrush? Damn straight it's childish, but I think I'd spend more time rubbing those bristles against the enamel of my teeth if I had a grip on, let's say, Link from Legend of Zelda? Or even a Darth Vader. In fact, I'd probably stand in the dorm bathroom brushing for ages just to show off my new bling. It's just as much of an incentive as it is when we were younger. Except we're told to change our tastes from bubblegum to mint. From the tasty Flinstones vitamins to the boring horse pill that will pump us up with the every day minerals we're supposed to be getting from the food we choose not to eat because it's not "tasty" or "appealing". Anything remotely adult-like isn't fun anymore.

Even our shampoo and conditioner. I don't think I've had something to clean my hair with a rubber ducky on top of the cap since the second grade. People wouldn't be so ashamed of having Head & Shoulders or T-Gel or Selsun Blue or anything else scalp related if it had Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles slapped on the cover. In fact, I could see a few co-workers being jealous.

And I'm not talking about stuff that's sold/bought at some specialty store, like the lame lotions at Hot Topic. I want my cocoa butter to have The Little Mermaid, not some brand that doesn't do the job properly and smells like ass. I'm talking good quality shit here.

I ended up getting a purple toothbrush (since I'd had hot pink before), and it had a fancy wavy handle, as well as a slight wave to the bristles.

All of the children ones had too small size of bristles anyway.

Random Fact: Don't brush your tongue

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