People-less

Today was an average normal day. I found myself laughing a lot, and really smiling, always a good sign when the area is still new.

However, something disturbing must happen all the while.

While sitting at the table for dinner, all of us laughing and making jokes, someone happened to make a joke about The Office.

I've mentioned this before in other areas, but for those who don't know, I don't watch The Office that often. I watched the British version with a friend, Jason, and enjoyed it, but it took me quite some time to get into the American version. I made the joke of, "The Office is like The Godfather--all guys love it." I figured it would just be one of those remarks that people would flake off (like most of my jokes).

However, this was not the case.

Things moved from that to "The UK can fucking suck it," and Tony, another American from Minnesota, who said the above comment, had also basically schooled me in the fact that the American version is better and got really defensive, which got me defensive. It went really quickly.

But then Joe said something.

"Mallory, there's two things I've really noticed about you since I've met you. One is that you are the only person I know who uses her hands no matter what the conversation. The second is that when you're in a conversation, you have a point and you stick with it, nothing changes. It makes me laugh!"

To be quite honest (I guess this is my point), it kind of hurt. I tried to play it off as a theatre thing, but I couldn't quite say anything about his second "thing."

When thought about, it can be a really good quality to not only have an opinion, but sticking with it. Being wishy-washy doesn't get anyone anywhere and you don't really know who you are. It's nice to know what you believe in.

But I guess I thought that the way I had my conversations, I would not only have my opinion, but I'd listen and get their opinion as well and not make them feel like shit. But Joe's comment made me think that maybe I haven't been keeping my "New Year's Resolution" I'd made maybe two years ago.

But, to say the least, I'd been a bit worried about my "people skills" while in New Zealand. I know from recent experience that I can be over-bearing (thank you Theatre), but maybe I'm just so comfortable with myself that I'm forgetting to actually be nice.

I'm suddenly thinking too much about my words as I speak to people, realizing I end up talking about an experience somewhere, wanting to swap stories but ending up having a smile and then conversation ending. Claire, a girl whom I was beginning to be friends with (also from America) now barely says two words to me. Given, she is stressed, but whenever I speak, I feel her ending the conversations shortly and placing her attention elsewhere.

Am I really that unbearable? Am I literally becoming the one thing I don't want to be, which embodies a certain somebody already here?

It seems invitations aren't getting to me, that offers aren't being picked up.

Maybe I'm just getting overkilled because of so much homework between us all. But maybe, in all reality, I really am just too over-bearing. When I dislike something, I do tend to state the reasons why. Mainly because I don't want people stating the reasons to like it when I've heard it billions of times before. Like when I tell people I can't whistle, and the first thing they do is whistle. Yeah. That helps.

Things I Easily Stay Hating:
Facebook: I don't need a freaking account. I have Myspace, Myspace is working and just because you all have it doesn't mean I have to have it. E-mails are just as good as comments.
Macs: I'm sorry lovers out there, but I can't help it. When actually using the devices, they seem slower, dumber and don't play PC games as well. Good for the artist, bad for anything else.
Original Versions: They're usually better. Movies, music... It bugs me when they "ruin" these things because they feel the need to "make it better." It's rare to find a really good re-do.

I keep thinking up excuses for my behavior.

I hang with guys more. Mainly because guys aren't that easily hurt and take stupid comments as stupid comments. They aren't like girls (or me), which makes it easier to hang around. Plus, the ratio to girls I know playing video games are lower than the ratio of guys.

In the end, all I can do is just keep my original New Year's Resolution. Keep my mouth shut. No one need unsay what wasn't said.

Insecurities suck.

Random Fact: The opposite sides of a dice cube always add up to seven.