Me:
Justin:
I usually find things like this entertaining.
I'm going to confess, I don't get it.
Me:
It's a trap, Justin.
A huge trap.
Every time you get an achievement, they show another one you can get.
Justin:
Have you fallen for it?
Me:
I believe it is an experiment they wanted to try, honestly.
I got up to 500 cookies, then an achievement for 10,000 popped up.
I would have maybe gone back to try for 3,000 later, just to see if I could do it, but I decided I would not commit myself to more. Because I know it wouldn't be just one more.
Justin:
Aren't you kind of wondering what you get at 10k?
Me:
Of course I'm curious. But I already know what it will be.
It went from 10 to 100 to 500 to 3,000 to 10,000.
The next logic step would be 50,000.
And every time, they'd be all, "Well, I got this far, why wouldn't I finish?"
Because I don't need to.
#wise
Justin:
Maybe the game changes then.
Maybe you should just commit and get there.
Can you hit return instead of click? You could get to 10k easy.
Me:
You are such a little devil, Justin.
Justin:
I'm curious.
And it surprises me a bit.
Me:
You are the bubble in Usagi's head.
Justin:
Yes, yes I am.
I just didn't picture you as a quitter.
Me:
I'm not.
I just know when to quit.
I have a good balance.
Justin:
"know when to quit" = quitter
What if at 10K you get something other than another achievement?
Me:
Why don't you find out? :)
Justin:
I just got an auto-clicker.
You need to spend some money.
Do it, Mallory.
Just get the auto-clicker and let it run.
Then click every now and again.
You'll have it by the end of the day.
Me:
Bahahahahahahahaha!
Isn't that fake winning?
Justin:
Have a total of five minutes invested.
Me:
Why don't YOU do it?!
Justin:
I am doing it.
I now have five clickers clicking every second.
And I am going to leave it all day.
Me:
OMFG
Justin:
I honestly think for a 20 minute investment in time, you could get it to be over 10k by the end of the day.
#addicted
Me:
*laughs*
I can't believe this.
I wish I were there to video record this going down.
Justin:
You're going to get me terminated.
Me:
I genuinely feel as if we have swapped places in our friendship roles.
Showing posts with label IM Chat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IM Chat. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Friday, May 23, 2014
Dragons, Duh.
Justin:
Dragons are overrated.
Me:
How would you like to die? Choking or a simple gun shot?
Justin:
Gun shot.
For sure.
Me:
I'll have that arranged for your next terrible opinion.
Justin:
I didn't say I didn't like dragons.
Just that they were overrated.
Me:
Okay, you're not right next to me, so this killing thing may take a while.
I suppose an assassin would do.
Just have to be specific with what I need to happen.
Justin:
You're going to tell me that a dragon is cooler than a pterodactyl?
Not even close.
Me:
Are you KIDDING me.
Right now.
You must be joking.
Dragons breathe motherfucking fire.
Would obviously win in a fight against a pterodactyl.
Justin:
Really.
Really.
'Dactyls actually have had to fight for their food.
Mallory:
How can that be your argument?
Justin:
Dragons are just creepy mythical figures who are blown out of proportion.
Me:
YOU TAKE THAT BACK.
They are NOT crappy, they are NOT blown out of proportion.
They COULD be mythical.
I will give you that.
Justin:
Mallory.
If dragons did exist.
I would for sure be the person who treated them like chickens.
Me:
Chickens.
Are you kidding me.
You think a dragon would even allow you to treat them as such?
They're 20 bajillion times smarter than anything on our planet.
Justin:
I'm sure they taste like chickens.
Me:
Good luck trying to prove that.
Justin:
The meat could feed a village for a week.
And since they are pretty much like rats, that's how we would treat them.
Me:
Rats.
Did you just compare dragons to rats?
Rats don't have scaled armor.
Justin:
Did you just switch to "busy" to argue this?
Me:
No. I have auto times set up so people don't bug me just before, during, and just after lunch.
Stop skirting the issue!
Justin:
Rats.
With uglier skin.
Me:
Their skin is scales!
Justin:
Me:
Did you seriously just link to this? The rat and dragon are completely different years!
KNOW YOUR CHINESE ZODIAC.
Although, cow-dragon looks awesome.
Justin:
Compared to this.
Me:
OMFG
I love that you're trying to Google School me.
Justin:
You mean you love that I won.
Me:
Justin:
Really.
Of course it would need a sword to attack a wussy old school ship.
Oooo, you're so tough.
Taking down a wind driven product.
Me:
That's to make people feel secure.
Before he burns their faces off.
Dragons are intelligent.
They can talk.
Justin:
*drops the mic*
Me:
Exhibit A: http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/3011942_700b.jpg
He doesn't say Pterodactyl Kick
It's Dragon Kick
SAME GUY
BOOM
Justin:
Not even ballpark.
Always a pleasure, Mallory.
I'm going to go grab some lunch.
--hour later--
Justin:
Question.
Me:
Yes?
Justin:
You think My Little Pony is awesome, too, don't you?
Me:
No.
Justin:
Well, you like wimpy animals.
Me:
Wow
Just
Wow
Justin:
Just making an observation.
Dragons, ponies, tiny little lizards...
All similar animals.
Me:
I'll bet I can find a Japanese film of Pterodactyls vs. Dragons.
And dragons would totally win out.
Justin:
Would a pony beat a T-Rex?
Because that is pretty much what you're saying.
Me:
How tiny do you think dragons are??
Justin:
Crapping rainbows only get you so far.
Me:
That's UNICORNS.
Unicorns do not equal dragons.
Justin:
Me (lying my ass off because both sides have this):
At least there aren't romance novels about making love to dragons.
Justin:
What the h.
Me:
Look like your dino has a bit of a soft side.
Or should I say "hard"?
BOOM.
Dragons are overrated.
Me:
How would you like to die? Choking or a simple gun shot?
Justin:
Gun shot.
For sure.
Me:
I'll have that arranged for your next terrible opinion.
Justin:
I didn't say I didn't like dragons.
Just that they were overrated.
Me:
Okay, you're not right next to me, so this killing thing may take a while.
I suppose an assassin would do.
Just have to be specific with what I need to happen.
Justin:
You're going to tell me that a dragon is cooler than a pterodactyl?
Not even close.
Me:
Are you KIDDING me.
Right now.
You must be joking.
Dragons breathe motherfucking fire.
Would obviously win in a fight against a pterodactyl.
Justin:
Really.
Really.
'Dactyls actually have had to fight for their food.
Mallory:
How can that be your argument?
Justin:
Dragons are just creepy mythical figures who are blown out of proportion.
Me:
YOU TAKE THAT BACK.
They are NOT crappy, they are NOT blown out of proportion.
They COULD be mythical.
I will give you that.
Justin:
Mallory.
If dragons did exist.
I would for sure be the person who treated them like chickens.
Me:
Chickens.
Are you kidding me.
You think a dragon would even allow you to treat them as such?
They're 20 bajillion times smarter than anything on our planet.
Justin:
I'm sure they taste like chickens.
Me:
Good luck trying to prove that.
Justin:
The meat could feed a village for a week.
And since they are pretty much like rats, that's how we would treat them.
Me:
Rats.
Did you just compare dragons to rats?
Rats don't have scaled armor.
Justin:
Did you just switch to "busy" to argue this?
Me:
No. I have auto times set up so people don't bug me just before, during, and just after lunch.
Stop skirting the issue!
Justin:
Rats.
With uglier skin.
Me:
Their skin is scales!
Justin:
Me:
Did you seriously just link to this? The rat and dragon are completely different years!
KNOW YOUR CHINESE ZODIAC.
Although, cow-dragon looks awesome.
Justin:
Compared to this.
Me:
OMFG
I love that you're trying to Google School me.
Justin:
You mean you love that I won.
Me:
Justin:
Really.
Of course it would need a sword to attack a wussy old school ship.
Oooo, you're so tough.
Taking down a wind driven product.
Me:
That's to make people feel secure.
Before he burns their faces off.
Dragons are intelligent.
They can talk.
Justin:
*drops the mic*
Me:
Exhibit A: http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/3011942_700b.jpg
He doesn't say Pterodactyl Kick
It's Dragon Kick
SAME GUY
BOOM
Justin:
Not even ballpark.
Always a pleasure, Mallory.
I'm going to go grab some lunch.
--hour later--
Justin:
Question.
Me:
Yes?
Justin:
You think My Little Pony is awesome, too, don't you?
Me:
No.
Justin:
Well, you like wimpy animals.
Me:
Wow
Just
Wow
Justin:
Just making an observation.
Dragons, ponies, tiny little lizards...
All similar animals.
Me:
I'll bet I can find a Japanese film of Pterodactyls vs. Dragons.
And dragons would totally win out.
Justin:
Would a pony beat a T-Rex?
Because that is pretty much what you're saying.
Me:
How tiny do you think dragons are??
Justin:
Crapping rainbows only get you so far.
Me:
That's UNICORNS.
Unicorns do not equal dragons.
Justin:
Me (lying my ass off because both sides have this):
At least there aren't romance novels about making love to dragons.
Justin:
What the h.
Me:
Look like your dino has a bit of a soft side.
Or should I say "hard"?
BOOM.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Strong Points
Justin:
MALLORY
I just found a butter candy in the bottom of my bag.
How old is it? No clue.
Did I eat it immediately? Yes.
Me:
As long as it isn't in the street next to garbage cans.
Justin:
#wouldstilleatit
Me:
Do you realize how easy it would be to kidnap you?
How did this not happen to you as a child?
A white van, a Werther's, and you're gone.
Justin:
Totally.
And I'd like it.
I would have gotten out of it.
Those creepy old man clown persons couldn't keep me contained.
Me:
Unless they had a bowl of Werther's at your beck and call.
Justin:
It's not kidnapping if you go willingly.
Me:
And now I'm wondering about the legitimacy of your child.
Justin:
As you should.
I wish I had a tatt of an eagle across my entire back.
Me:
I can get a Kickstarter going for you, if you wish.
Make this dream come true.
Justin:
How much do you think it would cost?
Me:
If you want it the length of your back? $800-$1,000 if you want full color and really good detail. Maybe more, depending on who you got it from.
Justin:
Really?
Tatts are spendy, apparently.
Me:
Yeah, it was $120 for the one I got...four years ago? And it is black and white, maybe a little over six inches in length, two inches in width.
(a quill)
Justin:
I was going to ask what it was.
That's kind of fun!
Where is it?
Me:
You think it was a penis?
It's on my ankle, going down onto my foot.
One day, I will get words written, maybe.
Justin:
Ooo! Ooo!
Will you please have it read:
"Dysentery sucks. OT 1989 4 life."
Me:
I feel like that should be in a heart on your arm.
Justin:
Next to "mom"
Me:
Next to two tear drops.
You know, for the homies that didn't make it.
Justin:
I think we should draw tatts for people.
We're really good at this.
Me:
I'm sorry, but I am laughing really hard right now because I am imagining the picture you drew me with you forging across the ocean to India.
And thinking of the poor soul who would get that as a tattoo.
Although, I will admit, best image of a dead ox ever.
Justin:
#nailedit
I should quit while I've made you laugh.
Me:
Quitting while you're ahead is no one's strong point.
MALLORY
I just found a butter candy in the bottom of my bag.
How old is it? No clue.
Did I eat it immediately? Yes.
Me:
As long as it isn't in the street next to garbage cans.
Justin:
#wouldstilleatit
Me:
Do you realize how easy it would be to kidnap you?
How did this not happen to you as a child?
A white van, a Werther's, and you're gone.
Justin:
Totally.
And I'd like it.
I would have gotten out of it.
Those creepy old man clown persons couldn't keep me contained.
Me:
Unless they had a bowl of Werther's at your beck and call.
Justin:
It's not kidnapping if you go willingly.
Me:
And now I'm wondering about the legitimacy of your child.
Justin:
As you should.
I wish I had a tatt of an eagle across my entire back.
Me:
I can get a Kickstarter going for you, if you wish.
Make this dream come true.
Justin:
How much do you think it would cost?
Me:
If you want it the length of your back? $800-$1,000 if you want full color and really good detail. Maybe more, depending on who you got it from.
Justin:
Really?
Tatts are spendy, apparently.
Me:
Yeah, it was $120 for the one I got...four years ago? And it is black and white, maybe a little over six inches in length, two inches in width.
(a quill)
Justin:
I was going to ask what it was.
That's kind of fun!
Where is it?
Me:
You think it was a penis?
It's on my ankle, going down onto my foot.
One day, I will get words written, maybe.
Justin:
Ooo! Ooo!
Will you please have it read:
"Dysentery sucks. OT 1989 4 life."
Me:
I feel like that should be in a heart on your arm.
Justin:
Next to "mom"
Me:
Next to two tear drops.
You know, for the homies that didn't make it.
Justin:
I think we should draw tatts for people.
We're really good at this.
Me:
I'm sorry, but I am laughing really hard right now because I am imagining the picture you drew me with you forging across the ocean to India.
And thinking of the poor soul who would get that as a tattoo.
Although, I will admit, best image of a dead ox ever.
Justin:
#nailedit
I should quit while I've made you laugh.
Me:
Quitting while you're ahead is no one's strong point.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Cat Killed.
Me:
So, I'm watching Cabin in the Woods.
I hate slasher films.
But it's Joss Whedon and I can't stop enjoying it.
But I am disturbed.
But am laughing at many parts.
Tamu:
I have nothing to say to you.
You ALWAYS do this.
Me:
I AM SORRY THAT I JUST HAVE TO WATCH SOME THINGS.
This isn't a video game, though.
Tamu:
Same diff
Me:
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!
Tamu:
Know your limits.
No one had a gun to your head.
Me:
My curiosity did.
And it also had barbed wire.
And some grenades.
And also Joss Whedon.
Ugh, it is so good!
I won't sleep at night.
Tamu:
Mallory...
Me:
DON'T JUDGE.
So, I'm watching Cabin in the Woods.
I hate slasher films.
But it's Joss Whedon and I can't stop enjoying it.
But I am disturbed.
But am laughing at many parts.
Tamu:
I have nothing to say to you.
You ALWAYS do this.
Me:
I AM SORRY THAT I JUST HAVE TO WATCH SOME THINGS.
This isn't a video game, though.
Tamu:
Same diff
Me:
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!
Tamu:
Know your limits.
No one had a gun to your head.
Me:
My curiosity did.
And it also had barbed wire.
And some grenades.
And also Joss Whedon.
Ugh, it is so good!
I won't sleep at night.
Tamu:
Mallory...
Me:
DON'T JUDGE.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Forge the Friendship River
Justin: If I were a professional musician, I would learn how to back flip off stage items while playing guitar. I feel like it would keep the crowd engaged, and could spark social media publicity.
Me: There is a local band with a keyboardist who does handstands on his keyboard.
I also like the fact that this is what keeps them engaged.
Not the music, which is what they are originally there for.
Justin: Live music is all about showmanship.
I mean, I'm there for the music, too, but man do you need some fun.
Me: I think I would do mine in a fish tank.
Not even lip sync.
Justin: That's aggressive.
As soon as the showmanship goes above the music, it's too much.
eg. Tommy Lee and the rotating drum kit.
Me: Disagreed.
I think it proves how committed I am to the sound.
To the fans.
Justin: Mallory, I am correct on this.
As a self proclaimed music expert, and former professional marketer.
Me: Were you really a marketer for a musician?
Or a label?
Justin: No.
Not even a little bit.
Me: LIAR.
Justin:
But I worked in PR, then marketing for a consumer electronics company and worked a lot with musicians.
Does that count?
I met Bon Jovi once. I think the bassist was drunk.
Me: It is difficult for me to get over these feelings of betrayal to decide.
Justin: What did I lie about?
I said I was a marketer.
Me: Okay, you embellished.
Justin: That's factual.
I didn't even embellish a little bit.
Me: I feel like you're forging across a river of our friendship right now.
What else would you like to lose on this forge?
Justin: What can I say?
I'm a risk taker.
Would you rather our friendship stall at the edge of this great river?
Or venture through to the next level?
I didn't quit Super Mario at the first castle.
I hammered through until I saved the princess.
Me: The Princess didn't lie and say she was in another castle.
Justin: Never did I lie, Mallory.
Me: Semantics.
Justin: Nor will I.
Do, from time to time, omit?
Yes. Yes I do.
Mallory: I'll have you know, I was also just going to ping you, because I realized that you usually always ping me. And I was all, "I should rectify that." And then you pinged me.
Justin: So, you were standing at the river bank of our friendship and chose not to forge, nor caulk your wheels and float it across, and definitely not charter a raft.
Mallory: ...
Justin: All for a two foot deep, eight foot wide friendship river.
Mallory: Our friendship river reflects our relationship so well--shallow.
Justin: I was trying to signal that forging the river, i.e. sending an IM, is a low cost of entry, and easy to do.
Mallory: I think this Oregon Trail/Friendship metaphor is getting out of hand. All I can think about is dying of dysentery while waiting for a response from you.
Justin: Look.
Sometimes I have to go hunting.
Hunting takes time.
And bullets.
Mallory: Meanwhile, Johnny is engraving Jimmy's last words of "peprony and chease" in stone.
Justin: WELL DONE.
Mallory: *bows*
Me: There is a local band with a keyboardist who does handstands on his keyboard.
I also like the fact that this is what keeps them engaged.
Not the music, which is what they are originally there for.
Justin: Live music is all about showmanship.
I mean, I'm there for the music, too, but man do you need some fun.
Me: I think I would do mine in a fish tank.
Not even lip sync.
Justin: That's aggressive.
As soon as the showmanship goes above the music, it's too much.
eg. Tommy Lee and the rotating drum kit.
Me: Disagreed.
I think it proves how committed I am to the sound.
To the fans.
Justin: Mallory, I am correct on this.
As a self proclaimed music expert, and former professional marketer.
Me: Were you really a marketer for a musician?
Or a label?
Justin: No.
Not even a little bit.
Me: LIAR.
Justin:
But I worked in PR, then marketing for a consumer electronics company and worked a lot with musicians.
Does that count?
I met Bon Jovi once. I think the bassist was drunk.
Me: It is difficult for me to get over these feelings of betrayal to decide.
Justin: What did I lie about?
I said I was a marketer.
Me: Okay, you embellished.
Justin: That's factual.
I didn't even embellish a little bit.
Me: I feel like you're forging across a river of our friendship right now.
What else would you like to lose on this forge?
Justin: What can I say?
I'm a risk taker.
Would you rather our friendship stall at the edge of this great river?
Or venture through to the next level?
I didn't quit Super Mario at the first castle.
I hammered through until I saved the princess.
Me: The Princess didn't lie and say she was in another castle.
Justin: Never did I lie, Mallory.
Me: Semantics.
Justin: Nor will I.
Do, from time to time, omit?
Yes. Yes I do.
Mallory: I'll have you know, I was also just going to ping you, because I realized that you usually always ping me. And I was all, "I should rectify that." And then you pinged me.
Justin: So, you were standing at the river bank of our friendship and chose not to forge, nor caulk your wheels and float it across, and definitely not charter a raft.
Mallory: ...
Justin: All for a two foot deep, eight foot wide friendship river.
Mallory: Our friendship river reflects our relationship so well--shallow.
Justin: I was trying to signal that forging the river, i.e. sending an IM, is a low cost of entry, and easy to do.
Mallory: I think this Oregon Trail/Friendship metaphor is getting out of hand. All I can think about is dying of dysentery while waiting for a response from you.
Justin: Look.
Sometimes I have to go hunting.
Hunting takes time.
And bullets.
Mallory: Meanwhile, Johnny is engraving Jimmy's last words of "peprony and chease" in stone.
Justin: WELL DONE.
Mallory: *bows*
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
This Shitty Week Needed A Conversation Like This
Justin:
I bet unicorns were invented because the poster industry was struggling to capture the six year old demographic.
I bet unicorns were invented because the poster industry was struggling to capture the six year old demographic.
Me:
You don't think it was based solely off of the fact that there could have been a unicorn genocide? That, perhaps, they were slaughtered after falling into a false sense of security due to the rareness and magical properties of their horns?
Justin:
Not even a little bit.
Justin:
Not even a little bit.
Because what would an animal do with one horn on their head.
Now, if they were like an elk, and had a huge unicorn rack, then I would believe it.
Me:
STAB PEOPLE WITH IT.
STAB PEOPLE WITH IT.
Think about it.
Isn't that what YOU would do with one horn?
It's like a sword.
It's like a sword.
Super dangerous.
Justin:
Justin:
A sword you wear on your head.
Now, if that was on your elbow...
Yes, it would be a sweet weapon.
Me:
...an elbow.
...an elbow.
That is where you would want a random horn.
Justin:
Yes, I would want a random horn on my elbow.
Yes, I would want a random horn on my elbow.
It's out of the way, but still weapony enough.
Me:
You'd be fighting like a T-Rex.
Unless your horns are long, in which case, extremely annoying.
Choose another part of your body.
Like your forehead.
Justin:
I sleep on my stomach too much for that.
Me:
I didn't realize we'd be taking about sleeping patterns.
I didn't realize we'd be taking about sleeping patterns.
I suppose if you were born with a horn on your head, you'd adapt.
Justin:
You have to think about everything, Mallory.
Me:
It's not like you'd kill the unicorn to steal the horn and have it sewn into place on your head.
It's not like you'd kill the unicorn to steal the horn and have it sewn into place on your head.
....right?
Justin:
No comment.
Justin:
No comment.
Me:
I am unsure what this says about your character.
Or mine, for that matter.
Justin:
It says we're realistic.
A good moral for any story, really.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
IM Conversations With My Cooky Co-Worker
Me:
I wish I could learn things like The Matrix.
I want to know how to play every single instrument on the planet.
Universe, really.
Justin:
Even the xylophone?
Me:
Why would that be the instrument to leave out?
Do you have something against xylophones?
Justin:
Yes. They are such a dirty instrument.
Me:
Excuse me?
Justin:
They sound gross.
Muddled.
Me:
Um
Justin:
Dirty.
Me:
Huh.
Were you playing with a box that had rubber bands around it as a child?
Justin:
Negative. Though it would probably sound better.
Me:
So, you would rather me learn how to play a washboard for music than a xylophone?
Justin:
Truly, what songs are written for the xylo?
Me:
Hot Cross Buns.
Justin:
True.
I think the Kookaburra song was as well.
Him mocking in his old gum tree.
Eating all the gumdrops.
Me:
I think the xylophone is Candy Land's choice of instrument. Like a state bird.
Justin:
Of course it is.
I bet you didn't see this conversation progressing quite this way.
Me:
I can't foresee how any of our conversations will pan out.
Ever.
I look forward to them.
I wish I could learn things like The Matrix.
I want to know how to play every single instrument on the planet.
Universe, really.
Justin:
Even the xylophone?
Me:
Why would that be the instrument to leave out?
Do you have something against xylophones?
Justin:
Yes. They are such a dirty instrument.
Me:
Excuse me?
Justin:
They sound gross.
Muddled.
Me:
Um
Justin:
Dirty.
Me:
Huh.
Were you playing with a box that had rubber bands around it as a child?
Justin:
Negative. Though it would probably sound better.
Me:
So, you would rather me learn how to play a washboard for music than a xylophone?
Justin:
Truly, what songs are written for the xylo?
Me:
Hot Cross Buns.
Justin:
True.
I think the Kookaburra song was as well.
Him mocking in his old gum tree.
Eating all the gumdrops.
Me:
I think the xylophone is Candy Land's choice of instrument. Like a state bird.
Justin:
Of course it is.
I bet you didn't see this conversation progressing quite this way.
Me:
I can't foresee how any of our conversations will pan out.
Ever.
I look forward to them.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Conversations With A Co-Worker
Here is a segment of my daily talks with Justin, one of my "I promise, you're sane" comrades at work:
Justin:
Did I find a Werther's in a random skyway -- yes.
Did I debate on eating it -- absolutely.
Did I stop walking to think about it -- probably.
Me:
Justin.
You have a problem.
And I think we need to have an intervention about it.
Justin:
Do you.
Do you think that.
At least it's not dangerous.
Me:
Not dangerous?!?!!?!?!
Justin:
Like jumping out of aeroplanes and such.
Me:
You're contemplating street candy!
Justin:
It was wrapped!
Not like it was just a piece of dirty candy laying on top of a trash can or something.
Me;
It was a TRAP.
Justin:
You don't waste butter candy.
Ever.
Me:
Probably needles in that thing.
Justin:
No one does.
Me:
I suppose what I should be remembering is that you made the right decision and left it there.
But I can just see it!
The one day you decide it's worth a try.
And it'll be attached to some fishing rod.
And you'll follow it jumping across streets and byways.
And you're going to be kidnapped.
And die.
All for a Werther's.
Justin:
The opportunity rarely arises for such wonderful, unsuspected joy, Mallory.
This was a few times in a lifetime opportunity.
It's like finding a twenty dollar bill on the ground.
Or someone offering you 200 bucks for your tie because they "just have to have it".
Or beating all 9 bazillion levels of candy crush without spending a dollar.
Mallory:
I can't believe this is what you're comparing Werther's to.
Or your kidnapped murder.
And you say me jumping out of a plane is crazy.
Justin:
Maybe it's someone like me, just trying to give the world a bit of joy.
Or maybe it was someone who stashed it for after lunch and when they went to grab their phone and it flew out of their pocket.
Justin:
Or maybe it was a kidnapping murderer.
Mallory:
Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere we go.
Between these daily conversations and the snail mailed ghetto flash cards my other co-worker sends me, it's rare I can have a completely horrible day at work.
Justin:
Did I find a Werther's in a random skyway -- yes.
Did I debate on eating it -- absolutely.
Did I stop walking to think about it -- probably.
Me:
Justin.
You have a problem.
And I think we need to have an intervention about it.
Justin:
Do you.
Do you think that.
At least it's not dangerous.
Me:
Not dangerous?!?!!?!?!
Justin:
Like jumping out of aeroplanes and such.
Me:
You're contemplating street candy!
Justin:
It was wrapped!
Not like it was just a piece of dirty candy laying on top of a trash can or something.
Me;
It was a TRAP.
Justin:
You don't waste butter candy.
Ever.
Me:
Probably needles in that thing.
Justin:
No one does.
Me:
I suppose what I should be remembering is that you made the right decision and left it there.
But I can just see it!
The one day you decide it's worth a try.
And it'll be attached to some fishing rod.
And you'll follow it jumping across streets and byways.
And you're going to be kidnapped.
And die.
All for a Werther's.
Justin:
The opportunity rarely arises for such wonderful, unsuspected joy, Mallory.
This was a few times in a lifetime opportunity.
It's like finding a twenty dollar bill on the ground.
Or someone offering you 200 bucks for your tie because they "just have to have it".
Or beating all 9 bazillion levels of candy crush without spending a dollar.
Mallory:
I can't believe this is what you're comparing Werther's to.
Or your kidnapped murder.
And you say me jumping out of a plane is crazy.
Justin:
Maybe it's someone like me, just trying to give the world a bit of joy.
Or maybe it was someone who stashed it for after lunch and when they went to grab their phone and it flew out of their pocket.
Justin:
Or maybe it was a kidnapping murderer.
Mallory:
Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere we go.
Between these daily conversations and the snail mailed ghetto flash cards my other co-worker sends me, it's rare I can have a completely horrible day at work.
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