Thursday, June 6, 2013

You Better Think

Some days, one has to wonder whether what goes through their head is at all sane.

Reviewing my week thus far, I know I questioned mine. Sanity, I mean.

Things I Legit-ly Thought About This Week Alone:

  • I wonder if that brown plastic chair on the side of the road was once used for tea parties?
  • How is it that Hall & Oates can make me so happy?
  • How did that bruise on my apple get there? It wasn't there this morning... Maybe it's poisoned. Like Snow White. Is that a thing? I'm hungry. Poison is worth this hunger.
  • Do I really own an entire series about a world involving vampires? I do. Huh.
  • Do I really own, not one, but two 'The Sims' games? I do. Huh.
  • The brown plastic chair must have been for a camping trip, not tea parties. Why would I think tea parties?
  • I could be judging too quick--OH GOD I NEVER WANT TO SEE THAT FACE AGAIN!
  • I wonder, if Leonardo died, would Donatello be the one to step up and be the next leader? Or would Ralph be a dick about it and take over? Mikey would eat some pizza and watch some television while that was debated out.
  • Why can't I ever keep my mouth shut? The opinions: shove them down your throat and let the acids of your stomach smother their need to be heard.
  • Ugh, I can't not say something.
  • Do I really deserve this much attention? I'm hearing myself, and I'm thinking not.
  • Why doesn't anyone listen to me?!
  • How is there even one person in our nation who doesn't know Peanut Butter Jelly Time...
  • Eye makeup, tell me all of your secrets.
  • My coworker is somehow my friend soul mate. I just know it.
  • I think I may have a certain sense of humor.
  • Although, tea parties are super fun. Maybe if you decorated the chairs?
  • Yep. Going to hell. For humor.
  • I'm sorry, but if you can't even have proper punctuation, I'm not paying attention to you.
  • I can't stop eating this Chex Mix. There has to be MSG in it! I can't stop! What's in these? No MSG? HOW DO I EXPLAIN TO PEOPLE WHY I ATE HALF A BAG OF YOU?!
  • A rapping Jew is in my music playlist. Maybe this is why I'm single.
  • My brother won't like this, but I'm making a pact that if I see one more spider in this bathroom, I'm burning it all down.
  • People must think I'm so popular! Too bad it's just Joss Whedon tweeting like a maniac because of Much Ado About Nothing. #notgoingtosayotherwise
  • THAT is considered a 100% match? THAT is what I have been missing out on all this time? I'm suddenly thinking me being single forever should be a concern I need to accept.
  • Why does everyone have the need to reproduce? This has to be a virus I'm immune to.
  • Would I be prettier if I lost some weight? Probably. I'm eating this dark chocolate anyway.
  • If I don't have the words to Frozen Sleep completely memorized to the point singing without listening to it at the same time by the end of today, I've accomplished nothing.
  • You could probably trade your Magic card for some dignity. Good sweet Jesus, I'm a total bitch. I'm texting this to Robin. She'd appreciate this.
  • I wish Just Dance were a legit thing in clubs. I'd be the fucking belle of the ball.
  • If Spider-Man were real, I'm guessing I'd have at least a 17% chance of my arachnophobia coming into play. Probably closer to 78%.
  • Why don't people think I'm ever insecure? Don't they see me being more myself to cover up the fact that I'm myself? It's a terrible idea!
  • How did I get convinced that global warming is more likely an empty threat? I should probably spend at least two more hours on TedTalks to figure this out.
  • Is it legal to like Jeff Goldblum as much as I do? Maybe I should stop saying it out loud so much...
  • I simply have the best of friends in all the land. I am disgustingly, pukingly happy right now. And I could gush about it all day.
For those wondering how I remembered all of those, it would be because I was only going back a couple of days. I also only chose the more interesting ones. Probably 98% of my thoughts are, "My life rules so much. I hope life stays this great forever. I think I'm going to make popcorn tonight, and have a side of ice cream."

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